sad

Today is Johns grandmothers funeral..its rainy and foggy and just a "funeral" day...I really really hate going to funerals..I know everyone does..but I litterally get sick and horrible feeling..I think after Lisa my oldest sister died I got this phobia..and then Dad..I think it brings back all of those feeling that I try and not think about EVERY day..its hard..for anyone. I want to be there for John though..